Inebriated

Well, not quite as bad as Rob Ford, but close enough for rock and roll. Also, we're sorry, Erie, PA.

Hello, Goodbye, Oh Hello

We say goodbye to AVB, Aguero and Steve Clarke, and hello to English football's 11th-longest-serving manager. It's better than it sounds.

Happy Happy Happy

Happiness is relative, people. And this is the podcast where we prove it.

Worst Intro Ever

We've got no image to go with this, the worst intro ever and some train whistles. But we also have some great talk about Spurs v United and how one point apart is maybe a gulf too far. We spare a laugh for Liverpool. And we thank Arsenal for just winning, dammit.

Le Petite Spurs

We hold out as long as we can, but eventually we give in to the pure ecstasy that is Spurs. 

Sports Night

Well, we get to pretty much every sport under the sun, including hurling. No wait...curling. No...bowling. Look, we talk sports. Ooh rah!

Our Special Guest

We wrap up the Red Bulls' season with a special guest. No, not the guy in the picture, but his special friend. And apparently, no From the Factory Floor is complete without a new musical interlude. 

'Murica

We gotta give up for Man U. Do we have to give it up for Liverpool? I mean, it was just Fulham. And is it time for Pellegrini to give it up already?

In YOUR Bathroom

Oh, the tangled web we weave when first we flatter to make poopie in someone else's potty. That's right Robbie Savage, we're talking about you. And Arsenal. And United. And Chelsea. And the bus that Jose threw his players under. And the pile of poopie Robbie Savage threw at Spurs. 

Dead or Alive

The Red Bulls are alive as they get ready to face a thrice-beaten Houston. So is Abe Vigoda, and a host of other greats. If A=B, and B=C, then Tim kissed Zac. Matt puts it to Don Garber's intern. And John Jauzelski's us. 

The Special Ones

There are more than one special one, even if that does make them a little less special: Ozil, Torres, Rooney, Lambert, and Keith Millen? And of course, no one is more special than the NY Red Bulls. 

A Pack of Marlboro Lights

Sure they could have thrown the game, but now we get to treat them like trade bait for a pack of Marlboro Lights. 

https://archive.org/download/APackOfMarlboros/APackOfMarlboros.mp3

We Almost Forgot the New Messiah

It's like a Guy Ritchie movie: The Shambles, The Lockpicker, The New Messiah, and Ian Holloway join together in "We Almost Forgot the Messiah."

Tim Howard's Beard

The officiating sucks, there are players who suck, but Tim Howard’s beard certainly doesn’t suck.

The Eternal Question

We answer the eternal question: Crap or Balance? There's a new meme in town, and it kinda sounds like Zac. And poor Sam...no matter how you pronounce it, you're still poor Sam.

A Brief Musical Interlude

Tim and I share an intimate moment with the FTFF family, but not Zac or John or Matt. We find the right place for Sekagya's "G". And if you don't get the Alan Partridge reference, I pity you. 

It's No Secret

Shhhhh...we hear that Joe Hart might suck, John Terry might be the consumate pro, Arsenal are a bit dainty, and United are in a wee bit o' trouble. But keep it to yourself, mkay?

Meme Machine

It's all about mental toughness, whether you're the Red Bulls or an absent Zac. We find soccer's Bull Durham (yeah, I know that wasn't his name, but you wouldn't get it from Crash), and trust me, it's not John...my sense of humor just sucks.

Two Virgins

Manchester muddles while North London rises. The Internet Gods strike John, and we bring you the deflowering of two perky podcast newbies. 

You Can't Libel the Tim

We beg Toronto fans not to believe, it's Henrying and that's that, and thankfully, you can't libel the dead. Or Tim.

https://soundcloud.com/from-the-factory-floor/you-cant-libel-the-tim

The Real Deal

Is Liverpool the real deal? Does United need to go bra shopping? Are Arsenal finally over their childish past? And it's time for Chelsea to go big or go home.

Location Location Location

USMNT in Columbus, Red Bulls in Houston, Mexico in the crapper, Tim in The Waffle House and Zac in a state of despair. And me? I'm in the coolest house ever with a podcast recorder that sounds like a vibrator. Please to enjoy. 

Zac's back, look busy

There's an interview with Cosmos COO Erik Stover, Zac makes his triumphant return, and we take the piss out of Zac's triumphant return. 

Close the Effing Window!

Another summer crashes to a close. Who would have thought that the Bale story would be a footnote? Arsenal fans put away their pitchforks and torches for another year, Man U did just fine thank you other than the impostors running around Spain, and first-place Liverpool are finally laughing at the rest of us.

Fake Zac In! Everyone Else, Get Out!

Petke Out! No, wait, Henry Out! Wait, no no...Roxburgh Out! Either way, Fake Zac IN! Yay, Fake Zac! Also, we'll wrap up with the AO situation. Kind of. 

Love and Marriage

Four married schmucks sit around and talk things we love (Daniel Sturridge), things we hate (Martin Atkinson) and things we're just kind of, you know, meh (Man U v Chelsea). And happy birthday to Zac's Mrs. If not for that, it would have been five married schmucks.

...since I was 12

There's a bit of Red Bulls but a whole lot of Chi-Town. We learn things that Tim's mom taught him about pointing fingers, and things my dad taught me about being a wise-ass.

A New Season of Backpacks and Clowns

It's a brand new season! Brand new managers, brand new players, brand new...ahh, who are we kidding. It's the same old story as Arsenal underperform, underdeliver, underinspire, underwear.

A Tale of Two Tims

This week, it's three Altidore goals, two sides of Tim, one Wassink-cursed ankle and absolutely zero Ponessa accents.

The Best Interests

We get so caught up in the Red Bulls that we forget to discuss the Red Bulls. Zac's self-esteem takes another beating, with or without Tim. Matt Conroy returns to give us his wisdom. And John is still trying to figure out this whole internet thing. Finally, there's a marketing lesson in here for all you scientists. 

We Love Love...and NBC Sports

In our pre-Preview of the 2013-2014 BPL season, we chat with Pierre Moossa, coordinating producer of NBC Sports' coverage. Then, we collect some of our favorite panelists and Zac to talk the Gareth Bale saga and to calm down all the Moyes naysayers. Fernando gets ready for matrimony by learning to to say too much, and I have to tell Barry he's wrong. Which pretty much guarantees that he's right.

Why Is Bruce Arena Smiling?

Sure we talk about the thrill of the Real Salt Lake game and the glory of the Gold Cup victory. But you know us...we also managed to squeeze in talk of prostitutes, Bruce Arena getting some, and all sorts of horrible alleged allegations that shouldn't be alleged by anyone about anyone. 

The New New Guys

Eddie Johnson is like brand new, and not just because of the hair. And Matt Conroy from The Viper's Nest is brand new because he's, you know, brand new. We ask just how much of a return the Gold Cup marks for Eddie Johnson, just how bad was that Toronto game, just how stupid is this whole YSA thing getting, and just how funny is Zac really? 

Petke Hugs

This week, Tim assures us that no hug can compete with a Petke hug, Zac uses his tongue prettier than a $20 whore, Sober John sees all, and your fat second cousin taking your virginity doesn't really count.

Hey Hey YSA

We couldn't leave the YSA chatter to WCBS and every hack newspaper writer. There's Gold Cup with Donovan and Wondo both going for redemption. And what's better than a friendly against Lyon? A friendly against Lyon at 11:58 on New Years Eve.

We Indict The MLS

This week we scratch the surface of some of what bothers us most about the MLS. I read a long email that probably is a little boring, so I blah blah blah most of it. Zac's full of pride, and Tim helps us make a discovery. all that and so much more. Well, not so much more, but enough more that you should listen.

Trials

The Trials of Petke, The Trials of the Red Bulls Defense, The Trials of the Trialists, and the almost, maybe-shoulda Trial of One of the Trialists. The Trials of you people having to listen to this.

Glory Glory Hallelujah

There's a lot of glory to go around this hole, so get ready to talk about Abby's Torres, get a pocket dial from Tim, and let's get real Jozy.

For Dave

Lift your Corona in honor of Dave as we remember. We also talk Open Cup and USMNT at the top of the hexagonal.

A Timebomb of Insincerity and Dread

With 5 games to discuss, we move fast as we decide whether the USMNT is the best thing since sliced bread or the worst thing since Judge Dredd (the movie, not the comic book). Is there a place for hockey takedowns in soccer? Yep, and we'll tell you where. And I hold back on the worst joke ever.

Just What We Needed...Crap

Sorry, Dee Snider, but it looks like we're going to have to take it. But it might be okay. Crap might be good in the long run. Unless it's the NYCFC. I'm keeping an open mind, but it's getting awfully clogged. And we go all the way to ChiTown for our Champions League recap.

The Night The Line Got Crossed

This is one of those "just download it you won't regret it" podcasts. It might be the best ranty episode we've ever done, and we do it all in the name of justice and the 'murcan way.

Name Checking The Season

It's time to get answers to all the questions we had from the 2012-2013 season. Best, worst, most disappointing, most likely to get shipped out of Liverpool...you know, the usual. We give a belated apology to rule-obeying John Terry and call out that scoundrel Eden Hazard, I make an MC Hammer reference that will absolutely crack you up (no it won't), and I personally name check Dez because I can.

Wishful Thinking

Anyone not Manchester United is starting a brand new round of wishful thinking. Because it's worked so well so far. We wave a fond goodbye to Mancini and wonder why so much Terry and not nearly enough Lampard for us neutrals. Plus there's United's gray shirts, Wonkavision and credit to Wigan.

THAT Kick

We do everything in our power not to talk about THAT kick, but only because we wanted to hear Tim's head explode. Zac tells us about the Sadness of NBC Sports, and we all decide that hey, you know what? Don Garber is a jackass. I totally stole that image from 8bit-football.com. They have cool stuff, check it out.

No Clarity For You!

Still don't know how the top four will pan out or the relegation battle, but at least we can all glory in the resurgence of a better-late-than-really-late Aston Villa. We also have a civilized discussion with the head of the JuventiNYC about the greatness that is Antonio Conte.

A Plateful of Leprosy

It hasn't happened yet, it might not happen at all, and it might work out just fine if it does happen. But you'll excuse us if we still choose to treat a Sheik Mansour-owned, Man City-affiliated NY2 MLS team as the aforementioned plateful of leprosy. Please to enjoy.

Of Stools and Couches

It's a night of bad homonyms and worse Hurricane Sandy jokes. We glance at big results for Liverpool and Aston Villa, and worry for the future of Chelsea's core, Pardew's job and Arsenal supporters' surety.

The Death of Bullcelona?

We say what we hope is a temporary goodbye to the reign of Pep Petke and his Bullcelona 4-3-1-2. There's transexual prostitutes and bike rides, and Zac just wants to be friends with Tim.

Godwin's Drummer

It took 34 matches to get his crown back, and my drummer joke is awful, but both Luis and I commit no matter what. Zac saves the best for the very last, and Barry schools us in what makes a player of the year. And we give big ups to Man United and manager of the year candidates Michael Laudrup, Sir Alex, and AVB.

No Churros

No kidding. We meant to include some kind of churro joke just for poops and giggles, but we were so busy talking DC, SKC and the upcoming game with New England with our new buddy Abram (@mindofabram), that we forget to make the churro joke. Oh, yes, we have regrets.​

For Boston

We thought about not doing the podcast this week, but as a group we decided not to let the bastards win.

It's A Guy?

Wait, is it a song or a dance or a what? You kids with your memes and shakes and....Look, let's just try to figure out if it's all Petke's fault. How many people can assist an assist? And Zac takes his sweet-ass time getting online.

He's not quite Batman

Who is that masked man? 45 minutes don't count. Tons and tons of Villa.

Hola Hermano Nuevo!

Time gives us language lessons as we try to figure out if the good times will last at NYRB. And I forego the intro because I was fixing my kitchen sink all day. Really.

Yes We di Canio

That might be the worst pun ever. Doesn't mean the podcast isn't a rip. It is.

LET'S GET READY TO...tussle?

Oh, this one is so good it should come with a warning label. Two West Side Story songs, a history lesson about Luton town's high line in the '30s, we admit that people really do like dbags, and we get to play 4Chan for a little bit. Please don't hurt us 4Chan.

PizZac Party

"Petke" is Catalan for "Whatshisname". We have the Artist Formerly Known as PosiTim, the Artist currently known as PizZac Attack (I just made that up) and the Artist Known Until I Can Think of A Better Nickname as John. Wow that was a mouthful.

Away Goes...

On this week's podcast, take your pick as away goes: 1) Tottenham's hope of an easy run-in, 2) Man United making this too interesting a finish 3) Liverpool's realistic hopes of finishing 4th or 4) a lack of navel-gazing about refereeing or the away goals rule.

PosiTimity!

Tim shows us all how to relate to each other better as he brings joy and conviviality to the podcast. And he doesn't let up for 60 effing minutes. Just goes to show, be careful what you wish for.

Coleen Vs. Posh

United vs. Chelsea. Liverpool vs. Spurs. Coleen vs. Spice. Anti-Piers Gooners good. Refs bad. Rio? We're on the fence.

All for Mike...or Ted...or something.

If you're sick of the Nani red card, skip ahead to 15 minutes in. Then we move headlong into a discussion of formations as Tim...yes, Tim...tries to keep me, John and Zac on topic. Hey Mike...this one's for you buddy.

A Love Song to Fulham's Unaverage Averageness

How frustrating is Fulhams's averageness? We'll figure that out along with the rise of Tottenham, the malaise of Arsenal, and the arrival of Kagawa. And a kind word for Villa fnas.

Red Bulls Preview: He Who Curses First...

Tim and Zac join the podcast to go over the multitude of changes at Red Bulls as we refuse to make a prediction. Or at least some of us refuse. Someone who shall remain nameless apparently wants to kiss a little ass.

He's Scottish?

We give career advice to Arsene, a CV review to Moyes, and a positive job performance review to Bale.

DIY podcasting sucks

Computer crashes, Arsenal bashes, Man United smashes, Di Canio abashes and nothing about mustaches.

Speedos, Irons and Circumcisions

That's pretty much it. If that doesn't bring you in, nothing will.

Like a Bear in the Woods

We go to the obvious places this time. Sepp is an idiot, Rafa might not be able to hold onto his job, the Arsenal supporters are sure we're getting back to 4th. You know, the usual.

The Black Magic of the FA Cup

We discuss the Hazard situation more then expected but not a second more then necessary. We also talk the romance and eventual broken-heartedness of the FA Cup.

The New Guy

Special Red Bulls Petke Timmy edition.

Deja Vu all over yourself

It's deja vu again as Barry schools me, Zac corrects me, John still has a really cute kid and Eddie hears a lot of people say "Please stop talking." It's kind of funny actually.

And Now...ME!!!

Me me me me me me me me me...Barry for a bit...me me me me me...Zac-hi Zac...me me me me...oh, Eddie's here!..me me me me.

Juve Come A Long Way

I can make that really great Juve gag work because along with our usual panel, we're joined by Cheryl from Juventi NYC. We make fun of some the other Italian clubs and I learn the true meaning of Juventus.